Baby-sayer

I want to be a baby-sayer. And I always have. It all started with the vision I had when I was a little girl. I saw myself being 68 years old at the local grocery store wearing 18 bracelets on each arm and heels that click on the tile as I roam the store for muffins, canned tomatoes and pine nuts. When I was ready to check out and the girl asked me if I wanted paper or plastic I would say “paper is just fine, baby.” Then when I would leave and a nice teenage boy would hold the door for me I would say “that is so sweet of you, thanks baby.” I think this steamed from the hours of watching Steel Magnolias as a child.

Fast forward 20 years. I still want to call people baby. I have been trying to decide if I can or not. I feel confident I can for sure pull off the old lady “baby” but that’s 30 years away and I am ready to get started now. I am feeling nervous about being a white girl in my 20’s calling people baby. To make matters worse I feel nervous because people that claim to care about me, have lovingly let me know that I am no baby sayer, instead they say I am more of a “punkin”-sayer or a sugar-sayer

Duh… I already know that I can say pumpkin and sugar and that people like it but I want to say baby. This is hard for me but I have to admit there is an art to calling people baby and let’s be honest not everyone has got it. In fact, I have been secretly studying to learn more about this amazing skill, with the hopes that something will rub off on me.

Here are my findings:
> The majority of white girls under the age of 55 are not baby-sayers, with the exception of my 4-year old niece. Listen for you girls like me I know this is hard to read and I am sorry. I was mad too.
> Good old country boys, especially the oldies are baby-sayers.
> The term “baby” doesn’t belong in corporate America. And yes this was learned the hard way.
> There are several facets of baby-saying including: 1) The bedroom baby-sayer 2) The oldie baby-sayer 3) The good game baby-sayer
> If you are black or brown, there is a 80% chance you can call people baby and they will like it.

So to my friends who tell me I am no baby-sayer – you win, I throw in the towel, you are right. I am no baby-sayer. And yes I may have tried to take it and make it my own, like I do with most things and yes that may have involved referring to some men as babyboo but I surrender, I am in a corner.

I am just hoping that those of you who can call people baby, that you will do so and do it proudly and I can only hope that I am one of the lucky recipients.